Disclaimer: I’ve struggled with this entry and the previous. They obviously don’t fit with my ‘normal’ view on living with TS+ from both a patient and parent perspective. I write them in the hope that they will enlighten other patients and caregivers.
It’s hard to say when it started this time. My routine has been interrupted numerous times over the past few weeks. We’ve been through a number of stressful life changes, both good and bad in recent days. The symptoms of what I’ve termed a “Neuro Meltdown” are often hard to spot in the early stages. Like a tsunami, the early warning signs don’t look very different from day-to-day life. Am I just tired/stressed, or is “it” coming?
Like the tide retreating far from the beach before a tsunami, my cognitive abilities begin to retreat. My concentration wanes. I struggle to pay attention to work. Conversation becomes tedious. I try to warn my family to go with the rest of humanity and head for higher ground. The first wave, irritability and restlessness arrive. Bless their hearts. Amanda and the boys should have evacuated before now.
It hits. My brain is ‘fuzzy’. My normal pragmatism fails, and my emotions run wild. I can’t put my thoughts into words. Nothing comes out right. My body feels tired, and I have flu-like aches and pains. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Chernobyl.
Thank God for sleep. It resets my neurochemistry like no drug every will. It’s going to take me about 8 – 10 hours over and above my normal schedule. Unfortunately, the nice, nightly coma that I enjoy isn’t what I’ll be getting. I’ll languish in a thin veil of slumber, living through vivid, colorful, STRANGE dreams while my brain sorts out its business. Gradually, things return to "normal".
The cycle begins anew.
Hopefully there is some cathartic release in writing these thoughts down. Hope you can get the rest / reset you need. Bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately no. It was a difficult write. The point wasn't to make myself feel better. If I experience these things, so do others with TS. This part of the disorder isn't well understood. I lower the facade completely with the hope that it will give other patients and/or parents a better understanding of the neurochemical cycles that are a part of the package.
ReplyDeleteMy son experiences this as well. Like many, he can't articulate it. I can.
Nat
Ignore the "Nat" at the bottom. Didn't know it was there and now can't delete it from my iPhone.
ReplyDelete