Thursday, March 3, 2011

Still Insufficient

I hadn't planned on blogging again so soon, but recent events merit attention.

We're still insufficient.  I am.  My wife is.  Our oldest son is.  None of us are "up for the task" when it comes to meeting our youngest's needs.  We remain ill prepared and insufficient.  Not unwilling, mind you.  We're just plain "out gunned".

For the second night in a row, homework and studying had taken 4.5 hours.  This time the material was so voluminous that he just couldn't absorb it all in the time before the test.  He stuck with it valiantly, way past the point of frustration.  Finally, as an act of mercy for them both, the wife ended the study session.  His grades are strong.  If this one doesn't go well, he can absorb the hit and still maintain his Junior National Honor Society standing.

I could hear him in his room.  He was melting down.  I called him to me, and he was in tears.  All six foot tall, 235lbs of him sprawled out on the couch and laid his head in my lap.  We spent the next few minutes airing out his grievance list.  Interestingly enough, the grievance list seldom has anything to do with what brought us to this point.  He told me things he doesn't like.   I rubbed his head and talked him through processing them and assured him that we wouldn't do those things any more.  He awoke this morning refreshed and retracted some of the grievance list.  Sweet kid that boy.

The wife was spent.  Oldest and I cooked her the best meal two "wanna be chefs" could muster on short notice and cleaned up after.  Shortly after the academic ordeal, she collapsed into bed.  She got no time for herself.  We got no time together. 

We want to live in a spotless house where guests can be entertained at a moment's notice.  Usually, we deal with the greatest need in the time available.  We want to have her quit work and devote all her time to the home and youngest's education.  We're praying we can make the finances work.  We want clean cars, beautiful flower beds and a usable garage.  Instead, weekends are spent trying to regain our sanity and recover from the previous week, just in time to do it all over again.  We want to feel sufficient, like we have it all in hand. 

Ain't gonna happen.


  1. Why is life just plain like this?

  2. I know I'm not a writer or blogger in any way. I read this because i know you. You are a great friend and an awesome person. I can no way compare anything i have done or been through to what you are going through. But i also know do not try to have this all in your hands. There is someone to help you in this and he has been here since the beginning and will be here to the end. He will not let you do this alone and will provide if needed.

  3. the beauty of being "insufficient" is that our state of insufficiency is where we are most usable... our state of rawness is where we are most able to reach out.
    having said that... i love you guys.