Monday, November 26, 2012


They tell me I'm strange. Even in jest, it's a word that seldom lacks a certain sting. It always carries with it a palpable undertone of disapproval. The underlying message being "you aren't one of us". The tragic joke is this: they seem to think I don't know.

It's a rare friend whose company allows me to temporarily lose track of my status on this planet. Believe me when I tell you. I know my differences better than you do. I haven't somehow lost touch with the fact that I'm not a "comfortable fit" in your world.

For those who don't actually say it, I still know. The lack of eye contact and superficial interaction tell all. The lack of verbalization only serves to help you feel better about you. I'm no less odd in your eyes. In this case, the deniability is only plausible in the first person.

What those who behave this way fail to comprehend is that there's always a barb in this opinion. At the core, the sharp, jagged truth is that a fundamental disapproval of who I am is driving the comment/behavior.

Yea. I know. Trust me. I'd rather be telling some funny anecdote from Nathan's latest observations on his world. I never question my writing more than when sharing the heavy stuff. Unfortunately, Nathan can't tell you these things. His ability to understand what he sees in others is still growing. He may someday be able to express all this. Until then, I'm his voice, and hopefully the voice for others who may never be able to express such abstract thoughts, but feel them just the same.

This is my place in life. Damaged enough to see their world. Functional enough to tell the tale.


  1. Keep dishing the heavy stuff. I read lots of blogs regularly, including yours, and I have to say that I appreciate that you keep it real. So much of what I read is all "fluff", if you will, but yours is honest and thought provoking. I thoroughly enjoy it. :)

  2. Thanks so much Jenn!

    I confess. I worry that I may lose readers if I'm not funny or inspiring on a regular basis. It's nice to know that honesty and transparency resonate with people, even when it isn't pretty.

    Still honored to have you along. You're one of my most faithful readers.